Greetings..
Today is my first blog of life.. Was thinking about it for lot of Time.. Was advised to write by many people, so today is my first BLOG after lot of thinking and pondering..
I went to attend a marriage of my brothers Friend in plush locality of Patna in Kankerbagh Colony.. It was a normal love cum arranged marriage prospered in a side by side MNC cubicle of NCR..
I met the groom.. Wished him best of luck for his future... The bride was in next hall dressed up for marriage.. (The Groom family has walked down to Patna for marriage as there hometown was in a distant village of a remote district of Bihar. So, gal family gave them the next hall adjacent to marriage hall for staying and managing guest and everything)...
The stage was set for a great evening..
Now comes the real thing.. In INDIAN CUSTOM IT IS THERE THAT A GROOM HAS TO COME IN A HORSE OR ANYTHING (BARAAT)..
Here is the main twist which shocked me so much that I have to write a blog for it..
The boy family was so adamant for it that they called a band baja wala and after that they went away two kilometer and then came back to the same place and same marriage hall with all halla hulla n dance al..With band baja rolling famous JIMMY JIMMY and KANTA LAGA songs.. My mind rolled the thought about snobbishness of INDIAN COMMUNITY...
What was the need for that 4 kilometer ride.. When you know the reality that the bride is next door.. When you know the girl.. U could have simply walked with your family member to the next hall..It is simply wastage of money,time and everything.. Indians wake up.. Get real.. Donot make wrong use of resources just for customs sake.. That four kilometer ride was worth 20 thousand bugs.. What if that could have utilized for future or for some good work sake..
These again proves that we are very snobbish.. Away from reality and fact.. For a few snaps for album for whole life, we are ready to spend so much money but for basic items we are not ready to give standard money.. Haha..
WAKE UP INDIA FROM POOR SNOBBISHNESS..THESE ALL THINGS LET US DOWN FROM MEDIEVAL ERA GLORY OF PAST.. GET DOWN TO FACT AND THEN ACT RATHER PRACTISING OLD CUSTOMS..
hmmm.... true...
ReplyDeletebut i thnk its quite subjective...
in india Marriage is a great event n diffrnt pepl hav diffrn opinions...
May b the groom's family might hav dreamt of their son comin on a horse...fr his wedding..
fcurs It happens only once in life...
n all desires should be fulfilled..!!
well sultan, i dont really agree with what you have written..
ReplyDeletei myself belong from darbhanga(hope you know of it),bihar and i am pretty much accustomed to the rituals and all..
i am personally a big critic of unnecessary spendings.. but in my view, what they were trying to do here was to create memories..
you are looking at it from a financial front, try looking at it from an emotional perspective and you will understand what i mean..
what they were doing is not customary as there is no such custom (i am pretty much sure about it) but to make the whole thing memorable and eventful..
i would like to listen to your views on this..
i m not against dat 4 km ride. but d crackers.
ReplyDeletethey disturb d citizens livin near by dat place.
welcome sultan to d world of bloggin.
get addicted. ;)
FOR PRIYANSHU and jai and dhaval..
ReplyDeleteI wrote that for some few pics of marriage album they spent so much money.. This is useless.. what i wanted to convey through this was snobbishness of indian community.. This is wrong.. We are away from the reality..we just follow what our heart say..but we should also follow the mind.. and an intellectual mind doesnt say when the bride z next door then go and spend 20 thousand bug at ease just n dhol tamasha.. U nly say.. i agree customs gud but what for this customs if these are useless and draining money and getting us away from the reality..
I agree with Priyanshu...
ReplyDeletethey jus tried to create memories...
n thrz nthng wron in that..
I think it wud hv been a 'moment' for the bride to see her fiance coming with all pomp n show...must hav felt soo Special..!!
Sultan its tue that alot of materalism takes place in marriages...but all fr the sake of getting and spreading Happiness...soo i think its ok...
wud lyk to know your take on this..!!
very true what jai is saying...
ReplyDeleteits all for the sake of getting and spreading happiness..
Well written..congrats for ur 1st BLOG.
ReplyDeletewell i differ in opinion frm dat of urs in dis matter.
Sultan i think u should think emotionally..marriage is something where people tend to forget money and spendings..its one in lifetime opportunity.
i dont think it ws wrng..it was the grooms n brides family hardluck dat one of the family stayed away in distant family that dey could nt follow de custom which is followd by every Indian.
marriage is a festival in which whle family has expectations of joy n happiness.
de grooms family must have wished for a baraat in which they could dance n share dere happiness with oders.so wats wrng abt it?
n think abt de bride..she must also have wished dat uske dwaar pe baraat naachte hue aaye n khushi khushi use le jaye.
money dsnt count in sch event.put urself in dat situation..will u want dat ur marriage be performed in a very simple way???
n dis was just 4kms..wat abt de baraat which goes frm one state to another and den follows custom of naach gana in oder state..well u r much aware of it..its just to have happiness n d sense of satisfaction dat de marriage as performed in best way..it reflects de family's joy..
n y ders mandap,bookin of hall,reception n everythin..y cant it b simply done in court??
NO..its a feel dat u can get very rarely n it shud be enjoyd to max.
its not snobbishness but its a way to keep themselves satisfied n to show that happiness n season of joy has come to their family..
put urself in der place..Ponder upon it!!!!
For jai, priyanshu..
ReplyDeleteI am sorry if I offend you but am writing what I see in open...
First of all would comment on the custom that is here.. Happiness is only for groom family friend not for bride family..groom family dances but bride family waits on the gate patientlly as when the dance gets over as i saw yesterday..well priyanshu is from bihar and he must be knowing that all the spendings of band baja and extravangance spending is borne by gal family as far as i know and this is upto 100 percent true in dowry driven society of north india.. So this all happiness is all fake.. It is a burden on bride family as they still have lot of things to put money into.. Sorry i am getting very deep into the matter but this is the way to make the indian society real thing come out in open.. So happiness I agree is for groom family but for a lower middle class gal family..this is a burden my friend..
Well memory can be created by just dancing on the main gate of hall or by having a hug n al.. by having jokes or just planning special on gate..There are lots of way to create memory.. But just for the sake of Creatn hulla bulla this is wrong...
Waiting fr ur take..
Hahaa...
ReplyDeleteSultan...c'mon i am not offended...I think its just a healthy discussion..ryt..!!
Hmmm...I think I would again say that its very subjective...and it depends on the situation...
If you are writing about 'a' particular marriage....then I've to believe you.
But one can't generalise..!!
Thats what I think..
hey sultan.. first take your sorry back... i would suggest a way for that to you.. just write yrros.. he he..that was on the funny front..
ReplyDeletenow, first of all, i forgot to congratulate you for writing a sensational first blog.. feels great (my experience)..
now on a more serious front, completely agree with what you have said in your last comment..
i know how painful the whole process is for the bride's family.. have seen it happening myself in case of my maasi's wedding.. very true of what you have said about the groom's family creating hulla bulla with all the overspending.. and yes, they try and maximize the spendings just to make it more painful for the bride's family (very true, what you were referring to).. and this thing is at its peak in the region where we belong to..
now i am pretty messed up on my views..
i would say its a mixture of overspending, an emotional high and as we both agreed upon, dowry..!!
Sorry for giving my views so late on this topic as was again in a marriage and this time away in a village and there was no internet and i dont have blackberry phone though..
ReplyDeletei am back..
For kanan..
Well you say its for feel, I donot say donot take feel friend. U get feel from reception and everything..varmaala..mandap..saat phera everything.. how more memories yaar.. tell me this.. Itna kam hain kya?? joota chori and lot and lot of customs yaar.. isnt it enough and increase this naach gaana nad extra spendings?? you say.. Are 1.25 billions indians so much emotional that they want baarat, they want everything and that too when there is so much of poverty around.. rest of the world is also emotional but they apply brain also in spending money yaar.. we need to apply brain..
For jai..
Ya i agree fully with you.. i am not generalising but i have written of a experience.. we should learn from this and stop..
hey..i dont agree wid u..y r u taking money into consideration in such occasion wen even bride r bridegrooms family is not bothered.to make u aware i must say that they must have saved for de marriage.so money is not the question..and for dem happiness s al dat means..joota chori,mandap ,varmaala are a part of marriage and so is band aaja n dhamaal.marriage wud seem dry if no band baaja..marriage n bad baja go hand n hand.it shows their joy and the arrival of a festival in their family..and again wen u talk about 1.25 millions of indians den let me tell u dat not all are forced for band baaja..its all based on their priorities..we are no one to question y did they bring band baaja n al.if its in der budget they wud definitely do..so ders no question of money here.
ReplyDeletewell u wud understand dat money is of no priority wen marriage comes in family..
n i wanted to clarify that its not the brides family who bears the band baaja expenditure as far as i know..n dowry is a different issue.it cant be applied here!!
n generalising indian tradition by just attending few marriages is not fair..Indian tradition is vast and it has its own Beauty!!!!
FOR PRIYANSHU..
ReplyDeleteI am happy that you came out in open on such a sensational topic. M happy you accepted the snobbishness of indian society.. You just seen you are going to take the gal as wife for whole life but then you are askng money for that.. This is snobbishness and i want this to decrease by education and other ways.. hope you will support me and get the indian society get over it as ithese all things are degrading our progress..
agreed sultan.. yes, it is more in our part of india (i.e. bihar) but as ur title goes, generally india suffers from it..
ReplyDeletethere has to be some spending on doing such things, but they go over the board (groom's family), overspending, intentional overspending (as far as what i have seen)... yes, they should do some such stuff but it should be limited in its extent...
i would seriously like to contribute on my end to limit this...
for priyanshu,
ReplyDeleteYa ur rite and its also prevalent in orrisa,jharkhan,bengal,up,madhya pradesh..
So, this can get over only through blogs,writings and al.. u can contribute in whatever way u can...
M always wth u.. to overcome the hurdles of indian society..
For kanan..
ReplyDeleteSee what i wanted to say.. Money is a issue.. Ur rich and your family rich so you havent seen the rite thing..so u nt gtng wht i wanna say..
Bt in a small earning family these things are issue.. with gold price hovering around 20,000 for 10 gram and food prices so high..so these band baja are added tension to bride family.. eventually these band baja no use and only tnsn when groom z next to your home..ths snobbishness i wanna stop..when the family far i can accept tht cme wth band baja bt whn the groom next to you thn y 2 have 4 km ride..ths m askn u.. u r gtng deviated frm d topic.. i wntd ths snobbishness to get over.. rest in indian culture everythn fyn..every culture hz its own good n bad..
Money is a issue then ma friend when you have limited earng..thn u wl understand ma view pint.. bt band baaja money is gvn by bride..priyanshu haz accpted bfre..i am writing wht i am feeling.. nt nythn superstituous to exagerrate the matter..hope you gt wht i wntd 2 convey..
no sultan.i think dat u are gettin away from topic..if u are talking about snobbishness then i dont think its snobbishness..its just a way to make themselves happy n have joy..no one forced dem to have band baaja.its der wish..if its their money then they decide upon wedr to spend r nt.we r nt ones to judge..n who knws dey dnt have money??? were u personal wid dem??
ReplyDeletebeing rich or havin money dsnt mean dat i cant see things as dey are..
agreed it may create nuisance to the bride der but y dont u understand, they are doin for themselves...
ok i get to topic..u feel band baaja n al is adding tension to brides family n u say its prevailin der..fine..den i want to knw was de gal family compelled to do??? as far as i can tell is dat dey may nt be..gal family willingly wud have spend..
if we dont knw wat d real situation was, we cant generalize n comment..
n its not snobbishness my friend but its to snob happiness n joy for rest of thei future!!!
Fr kanan..
ReplyDeleteYa before also i have written that this is a just a small step of mine to show the hollowness of indian socety.. I am saying that bride is next dooe but then also you taking 4km ride.. What you say is that this is a way to make happy.. but ma friend i would say in this world there are lots of thing to do just than dancing n al to make oneself happy..
Ya m nt judging and neither passing any judgement that this wrong..india is free and indian citizens are also free to do anything anywhere..but what i am trying to say is this is wrong way to spend really... this is not done..we need to really introspect..until and unless we introspect then it will be tough really.. i am interstd in money and neither in bride or groom family but what i am trying to say is that this rong aspect of society.. be sensible.. thats it..
Hope your doubt cleared.. You have generalised.. going deep into bride and groom family..but i am looking froma broader view point friend..